She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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