So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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