Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
