I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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