Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
