he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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