I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
