I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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