I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
