my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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