Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
