Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
