Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
