I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Randomize
