Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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