I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
