I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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