That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he quoted the bible to break up with me
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I will pee on everything he values.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
