reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
