Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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