Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
