i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
