oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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