You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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