Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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