I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
