How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i love accidental penises.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
