Jerry, you need to find god
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
