I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
