Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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