shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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