I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize