I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
