At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
