i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
