So drunk its hurt
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
