she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
