he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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