I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i drank out of a bidet.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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