well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
