Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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