I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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