I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
