There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
