I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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