Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize