Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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