C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
