hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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