It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
