whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
