so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
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