69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
