so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
