after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
