soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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