she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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