I think i sorta joined a cult last night
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
