so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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