I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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