My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
