respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
