Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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