He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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