Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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