1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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