I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Randomize
