you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
