that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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