he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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